Resident Evil 8’s giant woman has put the entire internet in horny jail

Look, 2020 was a long year. Two weeks in and 2021 has already felt even longer. I get it. But at this point, the unhinged id of the internet has come to bear on Resident Evil 8‘s newly-revealed giant woman, and it’s honestly too much to deal with right now. I’m about to be your own personal doge, bonking you with a comedy bat to send you directly to horny jail. (Do not pass go, do not collect 200 pieces of fan art.)

The giant woman – Capcom has yet to reveal her name – appeared earlier today in a brief teaser trailer ahead of next week’s Resident Evil 8 gameplay reveal. She’s got a striking look, and I don’t mean that in a euphemistically horny way. She’s got a retro fashion sense, a big hat, bright lipstick, and a broad smile, all of which seems entirely anachronistic with modern Resident Evil sensibilities.

She appears to command a cadre of vampires, so she’s almost certainly a villain, and all that charm is just meant to make the horrible things she’ll do appear even worse. Also, she’s giant. Did I mention she’s giant? You might not have noticed if you just watched the trailer once – I sure didn’t – but she towers over everything of reasonable human height.

And, well, once the internet realised we had a giant woman situation on our hands, it was all over.

My kind of nemesis

— Nibel (@Nibellion) January 14, 2021

All. Over.

Please

Let her chase us

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Please https://t.co/Boi0mvZDJn

— FINISHING COMMISSIONS (@DeputyRustArt) January 14, 2021

You can get a free avatar of her on PlayStation right now, and the folks at ResetEra are sure excited about it. They’re calling her Tall Mommy Goth Vampire.

me running away from the tall lady from resident evil village pic.twitter.com/OwRGA5oWrs

— mar (@IostIegacy) January 14, 2021

It’s just… It’s just.

Like, I get it. I contributed the Horndog Award for Outstanding Achievements in Thirst Trapping for the PCGamesN Awards 2020, in which I talked a lot about Dionysus’s abs and Megaera’s whip. We just don’t have to do this every single time, folks.

I know in a few months I’m going to get an email from PornHub’s PR division asking if I want the stats on Resident Evil giant woman videos, and the answer is no. No, I do not. (Like, I may say yes, but the actual answer in my heart is no.)

Anyway, sex games. Horror games. Resident Evil 8 release date. These are the sorts of links I have to provide so my editors will allow me to rant at you for being too horny. *bonk!*

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